Another instalment from this awesome week

Hey everyone.  I know this is like the third post in a week, but a lots happened.  After the events of the past few days Helping Mistress film and also what happened at Sinnation last weekend I was having cravings, and they were getting intense having seen lots of other slaves being played with, although some of the stuff scared me I still felt the ache and cravings grow, but I knew I had my session with Mistress Courtney to look forward to.

The day came later in the week and I felt the usual nervous excitement along with the cravings and the ache which grew as I got closer to the dungeon.  As usual they peaked as I knocked at the door.  Which was opened by Mistress looking stunning as ever and I was shown in.  I said hello to Mistress Luci as I was shown into the same room as last time, we had a little chat about the other day, and other things before Mistress left me with the instruction to get dressed.  After a couple of minutes Mistress was back and loved my dress, and especially my stockings,
 and she sat me down before doing my makeup.  All the while speaking softly, I was as drawn in as ever.   We took a couple of pics then, before I was strapped to the bench.  As always i'm not going to go into all the details, but over the rest of the session I was teased, and for the first ever time had electrics used on me.  Along with wax, a blindfold, Mistresses nails, a little pinwheel I was soon squirming, being blindfolded it seemed Mistresses footsteps were echoed,  As the session went on I was losing myself deep in something i've never experienced before, I could hear Mistress whispering in my ear, and using her nails on something that seems to be a real trigger point for me,  I can't explain what I was feeling as I was craving the ideas Mistress was putting in my head.  Eventually a command i've been craving for a while was whispered, and well wow, that is all i'm saying.

I was led there almost unable to move after and was trembling.  My head was very happily spinning as slowly Mistress went and got some water then had me sitting up, before standing up.  She said it looks like you've found subspace.   Thinking about it now, i've never felt like that before, I was tingling all over, but felt exhausted and crazily happy.  I was then left to clean up and shower and dress.  There was wax everywhere, and Mistress came back in with some chocolate and we had a chat after, she said i'd had a very kinky week, and made sure I was back on planet earth.  I was given a homework task and left with the biggest smile on my face.  As always I seemed to float back home.  Maybe seeing a Mistress is an antidote to getting annoyed stuck in traffic.

I spent the evening feeling all floaty and happy just thinking what had happened.  The evening seemed to disappear and I drifted into some awesome and vivid dreams.  I did also have on saturday morning what I've been told may have been subdrop.  Thats another first for me, can't say its a good thing.  But I was glad of a bit of support I got on twitter as a couple of people recognised it, also Mistress had said it may happen, its hard to explain, but after a relaxed day full of little treats and a play with a new toy in the evening I got off to sleep last night and woke up feeling fine today.  Still having flashbacks though.  Of squirming as Mistress whispered in my ear, feeling my whole body tense and tremble, flinch slightly at the wax, and pulse with the electrics.  Looking back, the day of feeling lousy was well worth it.

I mentioned a new toy, but maybe thinking that will be best left for another post.  I'm going to wrap this up now, what a great end to this week of kinky fun though.  I hope theres more soon.  As always feel free to chat, either on here, or on twitter thanks for reading

Cinnamon xx

My evolving fantasies of submission

Hi everyone, I'm guessing this will be a little different than my normal posts, i'm more just trying to get my feelings down somewhere as it may help me to understand them more.

You see for a long time my fantasies and thoughts were mainly of humiliation, as i'm sure a lot of the early posts on this blog will indicate, and dont get me wrong I still have them, but i've found that nothing is the same as actually being in the presence of a Domme,  I've found that things I used to do like sit and watch the humiliation playlist dont have quite the same effect on me anymore.  Dont get me wrong I still get aroused by them, (I know its pretty pathetic) but just not as much as things that have happened recently.

I know in real terms I am still pretty inexperienced and learning but just from a few of the things i've had done to me, the sensations i've felt etc i've realised the excitement they stir somewhere deep inside me, that i've never really felt before.  Now i'm finding the fantasies i'm having are much more intense, in a way much scarier, and much (i dont know if this is the right word but) darker as well.

Most of them still involve humiliation as I still think there is nothing like a beautiful woman laughing especially when its aimed at me, but now i'm constantly daydreaming of being totally at the beck and call of a Mistress, I think the session with Mistress Courtney last week took me further than ever, and now I dream of being strapped down like I was, having Mistress first stood over me with a glint in her eye as she first dripped those drips of hot wax that to me seemed to drop in slow motion, feeling the sting as they landed, then the pressure as she placed her foot on my uncontrollably throbbing you know what.  In that moment I would have probably agree'd to anything, I think that is now the thing that has evolved the most for me.  Pretty much every humiliation phone call I have had I've made when I was pretty horny and had been building up to it, dont get me wrong, I hear about a lot of dumbass blokes who call up and are rude etc.  I hope I have never been like that, with any of the few Mistresses i've called, and over the last year calling the  MeanGirls I was pretty much calling to be able to play with myself and usually ended up making a you know what.  (only on their say so of course) But now I want to be thinking more of making a Mistress happy, you know, I would get much more satisfaction from being told i've done well than I would stroking myself off.  Dont get me wrong, i'm not saying i'm not getting aroused anymore, its just that the arousal is affecting me differently,  and the thoughts I have are different.  I never used to want to be tied up, spanked etc but now the cravings I have are full of it.  I still dream of being "forced" into a makeover and I dont think that will go away, there is something about having your makeup done that makes me feel so submissive.  It is literally like throwing away what little of my manhood is left, its so much different than when I practice at home.  I suppose another of the real differences i've noticed is that when I get totally girly, the craving for submission grows, but the craving for humiliation doesn't.  Yet if say I'm in boy mode or say just wearing panties etc, the humiliation craving goes through the roof, (yes I know i'm always in panties, but maybe this sentence will explain my almost permanent cravings)  Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. But it does to me you know.


Have to mention as well, the dress I ordered last week was delivered and it fits Yay, and on twitter so many people have like the pic of it so i've added it here too.  I'm so looking forward to taking it to my next session.  I'm also looking at attending a couple of events, so I may need a full outfit for those *blushes* I really hope i'll get to explore these feelings more in sessions, I feel more like me than I ever have before.

As always feel free to chat to me on twitter or even on fetlife seeing as i'm trying to get more involved on there as well.

Cinnamon xxx

The week of kink so far

Hi everyone, I thought i'd try write a blog today in the middle of my time out from the real world, its been a bit of a whirlwind week so far.  I still have no idea what to do at the weekend either!

At the start of the week I was obviously super-excited about my upcoming session with Mistress Courtney but was also excited about the membership to Cruel Girlfriend I won as well.  I have to be honest, some of their videos scare the pants off me but there are some that just make me melt into a submissive mess.  I was also looking around for a dress, picked a few out and trying to look into local fetish/kink events.  I was invited to a play munch, but my nerves got the better of me, especially I think as it was a dress up one and the event list on fetlife showed a lot of other males.  I was thankful that two ladies had taken the time to invite me, but having never met them or anyone else there I just got too nervous.

Anyways tuesday soon came and I journeyed to the Stockport Dungeon for my session, feeling the same nervous excitement I always do thankfully got there in good time, (I always panic with the traffic) and was asked to wait outside as Mistress needed a few minutes.  Of course I had no problem with that and awaited the message to go to the door.  I knocked and the door opened and as every other time i've been was momentarily speechless, wow Mistress Courtney truly is stunning.  She greeted me in a friendly way and inspected the small cut on my head I had from having a glass bottle rammed into it, before showing me into the large dungeon, (i've never been in this room before) I was allowed to use the bathroom before the session started.  Mistress slowly undressed me to reveal my new panties which she really liked, (the ones on the right in the pic above) she then left to get something and told me to remove the rest of my clothes and kneel, I couldn't help glancing around at the equipment and feel myself get nervous, but then Mistress was back and I was put into a bra, stockings, before she did my makeup, Mistress even noticed that i'd lost some weight which made me happier than anything.  Finally it was time to try some dresses on, she chose a black one in the end.

All tied up and nowhere to go

The rest of the session I won't go into too much detail, but I was restrained more than ever on a bench with cuffs and straps, and had some things done to me I've never had done before, the feeling of hot wax dripping onto my excuse of a manhood while Mistress stood over me was so intense, I was intrigued but scared at the thought, but as Mistress judged there was a part of me that really liked it.  Even more so as she pressed her foot down on my you know what.  That was a totally new experience for me.  Mistress was also a little stricter this time, she said she loved this bench as once you are strapped on it, there is nowhere you can escape too.  I really found myself liking this stricter side of Mistress, and was getting lost in that special place, where you just want to please.

Mistresses Perfect foot

After this I was released and for the first time after having my arms attached to a suspended bar had the experience of an introduction to flogging, and the different types of floggers.  Again I was nervous at this, and I know Mistress could have gone harder but I was so glad to get through it without wimping out.  All through the session Mistress was coming up with ideas we can maybe try in the future and the thought just excites me more than ever.  I wasn't allowed to make a cumsie this time, Mistress said she wanted to send me home still covered in wax and excited.  So I dressed and Mistress brought me a coffee and we had a really good chat, especially about what happened at Sexhibition, which she had asked me about at the start of the session, you know, like who I had met, and what happened etc, and also how I had liked it.  I also got some advice on the dresses i'd been looking at, and just felt so comfortable sharing thoughts that a year ago I would never have dared tell anyone.  Although Mistress saying that one time she will send me home fully dressed as Cinnamon scares the heebie-geebies out of me!!!

I left on a high as always, and found myself in traffic on the M60 in the midst of the biggest thunder and lightening storm I've ever seen round here, It was comparable with some i've seen living abroad before, a totally surreal drive, still as hard as anything, on a high in the midst of this storm, I was glad to get home thats for sure.  Obviously I had to get to work on my homework, which I feel excited to have been given the chance to do.  But was way too distracted to get on my computer properly.  Most of the night, even after a shower I was left finding bits of wax all over!  The one thing I did get done that night was order myself a dress, it looks so so pretty

Its all floaty and pink, its actually arrived this afternoon, so after i've had a visitor for tea, I'm certain I will be trying it on *blushes* I hope it fits nicely!  So as I said before, my nerves got the better of me yesterday, but I found myself in a bar with friends which was good and worked some more on my homework before seeing something by chance, which has led to another amazing opportunity.  It turns out Princess Jessika, who I met at Sexhibition will be in Manchester for a few days next month and hopefully will get to meet again while she is up here.  I did learn so much that day, 

Now i've still got the rest of the week and the weekend to indulge in whatever takes my fancy, although at the moment i'm a bit clueless as to what to do, I've actually just had a daydream about checking into a hotel for a couple of days to find that its staffed by Dommes, and anyones stay is full of serving and humiliation, how cool would that be??  I'm also having to research fetish wear as it looks like thanks to a prize draw I will be going to a pretty damn big fetish club in London at some point, yikes, I may even be going to a local one soon as well, I definitely am so glad I started exploring this side of me, and theres things i'm looking forward to so so much and the cravings I have just seem to get stronger!  I'm really starting to feel the ache after not being allowed a release again, and it seems to make the desires stronger *blushes*

I'm gonna wrap this post up now, but feel free to get in touch, especially if you've any kinky ideas for me to try over the weekend, either here or on twitter Hope you've enjoyed reading

Cinnamon xxx