Hey everyone, i've been kicking an idea around for a blog post for a while now about how I developed into who I am today. Firstly in the last couple years or so i've had the fortune both to meet and speak to some amazing people who have helped me accept who I am. But these thoughts and fantasies that seem to consume me aren't just some recent thing.
I dont know if this is true for all submissives or anyone into kink but for as long as I can remember I have had fantasies about being forced into makeup, normally by a group of girls when I was younger that gradually changed into women as I grew up. At first there was nothing sexual about it, hell I dont think I even knew what sex was back then. But I can vividly remember the dreams, more than some other stuff from childhood. For a long time I daren't share these anywhere and as I went through my teenage years tried to suppress the thoughts and appear as normal as possible. I did alright at school with marks/ grades etc but was an idiot out of it. Typical teenage stuff really, now I think about it was I overacting the "normal" teenage role? who knows. But school and college passed and Uni beckoned. It was about this time that the internet was just starting to take off. The century was changing and I was moving in to a sort of semi independent place. I'd seen a few things about fetishes, and kinks, but still was nowhere near a position to accept it, I didnt even know "forced fem" was a thing, only really that there were Dominatrix's etc.
I pretty much wore panties for the first time at uni. They weren't mine, and they weren't stolen. But I kind of had a loose relationship with a girl and I kind of found them after we had split up, one thing led to another and I couldn't resist, the electric feeling I got was something i'd never had before, and for a while after that night I never wore other girly things. Although the idea was very much planted in my head then. I kind of tried a few phonesex lines at this time, and although I guess I felt humiliated a bit it just seemed that whoever you got through to was basically going off a script. Although as a treat when you'd been single a while I thought it was cool. My kinky development then totally stopped when I finished Uni, as I embarked on what now seems ridiculous, a nearly year long trip around Europe travelling as finding work as I went. I experienced real SPH for the first time on this trip, i'll never forget the humiliation as a dutch girl laughed her head off, even more so when it got obvious I was enjoying it. After that I was wary around dating and even more so when I got home.
Back home the internet had really moved forward, apparently there was going to be something called broadband soon, where you didnt have to hog an entire phone line to browse. I think i first found a few humiliation sites about this time, and if I had spare time would be basically looking through web-teases and things. A couple year later I actually took a plunge and started chatting online with a Mistress, man looking back now I wish I knew half of what I did now, as something happened that put me off for a long time and left me in a terrible state, this isn't the place for details, I know a couple of you may know from chatting but still here isn't the place.
I'm going to be skipping a couple of years again now, to late 2011 I think. I'd finally started to use twitter. And as I had my own place again was occasionally using phonesex and chatting about femdom and humiliation again, but again it was one off calls. This was until on twitter I met Mistress Charlotte, we tweeted a bit and I took part in a series of Humiliation tasks she set called the 12 humiliations of christmas. Writing reports up every day and having fun. So much so that after the Xmas holidays I called her on her phone lines and begun a phone relationship that took me further than i'd ever been before. I had genuine feelings for her and could really tell the difference in our calls as she had got to know me, yes she was on the other side of an ocean, but I learned a lot from the time I spent with her. However about 18 months later she disappeared. I still have no idea what happened to her and just hope she is happy.
I took a break from calling anyone then, and to be honest was in and out of hospital for a while, but then found myself calling another Lady, who is still on twitter, Miss Jane. However with my illness I felt I wasn't in the right place and couldnt do as I was asked. So after a few calls had to ease off for a while. So it came to the summer of 2015 and after a few messages I called the MeanGirls for the first time. I'm not going to say I was hooked straight aways but I knew if they allowed I would be calling back, and for nearly the next year I was calling when I could and carrying out any task they set. It was them who gave me the idea to start this blog and I learned a lot from them. Yes on a call I got plenty of the humiliation I craved, (cam and Skype were totally new to me) But from their tweets I learned a lot. I'll always be grateful to them. But I had an itch, and asked if they would mind if I went to see a real Mistress, (theres more details on this in previous posts) This led to my first real time session, and if you've read this blog you know what has happened since then.
I've found when I get all submissive now, i'm thinking more of trying to please than I am of getting horny and getting myself off. I genuinely think for the first time i'm being the real me, and I dont think i've ever been happier.
So there you have it, thought I would try and write a post about my journey, without giving away too many personal details, but as for the little update I mentioned in the title, my first "kinky play event" is now only a couple of weeks away and theres a few nerves building but i've bought a ticket and the majority of a new outfit including these shoes, and a new dress thats all pink and sparkly. I just need a bag and some new holdups and i'm all set I think!
Also some of you may remember the day I had at Sexhibition this year, well I took the plunge and have booked the whole weekend off for next year so hopefully there will be more fun, and also have time booked off to head down to that there London, which will hopefully include a trip to one of the kinky club nights that I have heard so much about.
Theres so much to look forward to, as I will be hopefully seeing Mistress Courtney again for another session when i'm off work in a couple of weeks. Seriously right now I love my life!!
Anyways this has gone on for an age so i'm going to wrap it up, if you've stuck it out this long thanks for reading, I guess this is kinda a personal post, feel free to chat on here or on twitter as always.
P.S it was Halloween yesterday so a HarleyCinn pic had to be added :) I do love that makeup app!!!!