An upcoming anniversary

Hi everyone, thought I would try to make a quick post, i'm sorry it probably wont be as fun as my last post but it feels like a bit of a milestone.

I've been writing posts on this blog for nearly 18 months now, and exploring my submissive side slightly longer.  I was happy, making the occasional niteflirt call to the MeanGirls when I could and doing assignments for them.  I'd had a couple of semi public experiences like say at the makeup counter, but it was about this time last year I got a small bonus from my job, and after a lot of thought an idea was forming in my head.  I'd thought about a Real Time session with a dominatrix in the past, but to be honest had been a little scared, or had not been in a position to treat myself financially, so nothing had come of my thoughts.



Anyways, I can remember being on my knees on cam to the MeanGirls one night, pretty much around this time last year, having had a good a call as ever,  and having just a quick chat after, I just asked if they would mind if I looked into having a RT session.   I was thankful they said sure and that it was cool.  Even though its like a year ago I can remember coming off the phone and thinking oh god I will have to look into this now.  I took a good few days before really doing anything although I had looked at a number of websites of Dommes.  I guess in my area up here in the NW we are blessed with a number of Mistresses.  (well within an hour or so's drive)  There were a few who's websites stood out, and one more than any others.  (for a reason i've kept private since then for fear of sounding stupid)

I read the website and read it again.  Before writing an email trying to follow what the website said.  I wrote it and left it in my drafts for a couple of days all nervous, while googling things like "How to initially contact a Mistress" trying to gather some tips.  It was probably about a week later I was comfortable and ready to send the email.  I tried to keep it short, polite, explaining my interests but also that i'd never done anything like this before so I really wasn't sure of my limits etc, and briefly mentioned pretty much the one thing that I really have no interest in exploring.

I can still remember sitting there for a moment after I pressed send, my heart was racing and I thought well its done now.  I wasn't expecting a reply straight away, but hoped that the email I had sent was ok and wouldn't just be dismissed. I also went away wild camping for a couple of days so had no access to any form of internet,  but a few days later when I was back I checked my emails and had a reply.

Ready for my first ever spanking

Yes the Mistress said she would be able to arrange a session around what I had put in my email, while also explaining not all sessions would involve pain, plus there would be a safe word etc.  I felt at ease with the reply and over another couple of emails had a date and time set for my first session.  It was still a couple of weeks ago so my imagination had a lot of fun.  Indeed I think the MeanGirls had fun teasing me about what may happen on a call before the session, while also saying I would have to let them know what happened in detail.  Then finally the day came, I followed the instructions I had been given, (confirming in the morning etc) and I headed off into the unknown.  I can still visualise that first session so clearly, from the Dungeon door opening and meeting Mistress Courtney for the first time.  Being shown into the dungeon and having an introductory chat, (where I did confess the reason I had been drawn to her website) before being left for a moment.  When Mistress re-entered the session started and I was almost under a spell.  From the instant Mistress realised I was in panties *blushes* that little giggle.  I had my first spanking, and my first real experience of real time BDSM play

Since then I've had some more sessions that I will have commented on already on here, and some experiences that I never would have thought possible just a short while ago.  If someone had told me I would have been on nights out dressed totally as Cinnamon I would have probably bet my car against it, but it happened,  helping out as a camera-man (ahem sissy) again I wouldn't have believed it, being used as a "demo" model in front of a hen party of 10 women?  you've guessed it, I may have dreamed it but never thought it possible.   And here I am looking forward to my next session, a year on from the first, with the possibility of something else Mistress has mentioned in the future too.  I've probably never been happier or felt more accepted for this side of me, and i'm sure i'll be back with more updates with more kink in them than this one.

I guess this post has a bit of a subverted meaning to it,  if you have dreams, there is no harm in chasing them.  It doesn't matter if "normal" people would think that they are a bit weird, if everyone was the same life would be so boring.  Take a chance and go for them.  I found out yesterday an old schoolfriend has passed away, its reminded me life is short.  Happiness in yourself is more important than any material riches, and keeping hopes and dreams bottled away is no quick route to the happy places.


I'm gonna wrap this up, hope this post doesn't bore anyone, I just felt I had to write it and as always feel free to chat to me on twitter

Cinnamon xxx

An update and exciting times.

Hi everyone, its been a couple weeks since my last blog post so thought I would make a quick one.  Some very exciting things coming up, and its been a fun couple of weeks as well so here goes.

Theres been so many views of my last couple of posts, about the session with Mistress Courtney and the video clip she recorded during the session, its given me a feeling i've never really had before.  Especially with a couple of the comments i've had about it, I dont really know how to explain it, other than its a good feeling, with it being a video I felt much more exposed than in say an edited picture.  Maybe theres a part of me that likes being an exhibitionist I never knew about.  I'd like to thank anyone who offered any encouragement about it, or let me know what they thought of the video, its really appreciated.

Right on with the post.  A couple of weeks ago I finally got the chance to call the Mean Girls again on niteflirt.  I've had money in my account there since last summer but with a glitch on international calls, when I had tried the platform would not connect us.  I'd almost given up on it, but tried when I saw them online earlyish and it worked.  I guess the call was slightly different to when I used to call all the time as I was chatting about things that have happened.  Especially things like helping Mistress Courtney at the Hen party last year.  They were telling me how they would have loved to have seen the look on my face as I got all embarrassed.  Even after all this time I found that they remembered little things about me, especially like the way I quite often squirm and wiggle about when I get excited yet a little uncomfy,  It was really good to catch up with them.  Hope to do it again, although I have no idea when I will be able to.

If you've been under a rock you may not have known it was the superbowl on Sunday just gone.  I found myself being asked before the game started if I fancied playing a little sissy game through it all.  I was intrigued as I have done something similar in the past.  Anyways Mistress Elesa (who has been an amazing and supporting lady as i've come on this journey) set me the task of cheering along for every point scored, just like a cheerleader, and also whenever a team got into the end zone.  For every flag I had to spank myself, and for every turnover use the magic wand for a short period of time.  This was tricky enough however there was also the half time show.  I was told I had to copy Lady Gaga's every move.  (thankfully not the jumping off the side of the stadium.)  It was like a full on workout, and I still had the second half of the game to go.
  I was getting quite worked up and feeling very girly, then I received a message while the Falcons were still up by over 20 points.  If the Falcons win, I could orgasm on thursday, but if the Patriots won I could on Monday.  So as the comeback started I got more and more excited.  I couldn't believe the final score, but lets just say I enjoyed Monday night.

Finally for this post i've just about got all my tickets sorted for something that promises to be really exciting, and I guess I'll make a post about it afterwards, but i'm going to one of Londons fetish club nights, and really looking forward to it.  Outfit, tickets, travel etc are now all sorted.  I have a few nerves but know that I will be fine.  I do feel very lucky about it.  Especially that I wont be going alone to it.  If you see me getting over excited on twitter in the next couple of weeks I apologise in advance.  Feel free to chat to me on there though.  And I guess i'll be back soon.

Cinnamon xxx

A little update, and where it all began

Hey everyone, i've been kicking an idea around for a blog post for a while now about how I developed into who I am today.  Firstly in the last couple years or so i've had the fortune both to meet and speak to some amazing people who have helped me accept who I am.  But these thoughts and fantasies that seem to consume me aren't just some recent thing.

I dont know if this is true for all submissives or anyone into kink but for as long as I can remember I have had fantasies about being forced into makeup, normally by a group of girls when I was younger that gradually changed into women as I grew up.  At first there was nothing sexual about it, hell I dont think I even knew what sex was back then.  But I can vividly remember the dreams, more than some other stuff from childhood.  For a long time I daren't share these anywhere and as I went through my teenage years tried to suppress the thoughts and appear as normal as possible.  I did alright at school with marks/ grades etc but was an idiot out of it.  Typical teenage stuff really, now I think about it was I overacting the "normal" teenage role?  who knows.  But school and college passed and Uni beckoned.  It was about this time that the internet was just starting to take off.  The century was changing and I was moving in to a sort of semi independent place.  I'd seen a few things about fetishes, and kinks,  but still was nowhere near a position to accept it, I didnt even know "forced fem" was a thing, only really that there were Dominatrix's etc.



I pretty much wore panties for the first time at uni. They weren't mine, and they weren't stolen.  But I kind of had a loose relationship with a girl and I kind of found them after we had split up, one thing led to another and I couldn't resist, the electric feeling I got was something i'd never had before, and for a while after that night I never wore other girly things.  Although the idea was very much planted in my head then.  I kind of tried a few phonesex lines at this time, and although I guess I felt humiliated a bit it just seemed that whoever you got through to was basically going off a script.  Although as a treat when you'd been single a while I thought it was cool.  My kinky development then totally stopped when I finished Uni, as I embarked on what now seems ridiculous, a nearly year long trip around Europe travelling as finding work as I went.  I experienced real SPH for the first time on this trip,  i'll never forget the humiliation as a dutch girl laughed her head off, even more so when it got obvious I was enjoying it.  After that I was wary around dating and even more so when I got home.

Back home the internet had really moved forward, apparently there was going to be something called broadband soon, where you didnt have to hog an entire phone line to browse.  I think i first found a few humiliation sites about this time, and if I had spare time would be basically looking through web-teases and things.  A couple year later I actually took a plunge and started chatting online with a Mistress, man looking back now I wish I knew half of what I did now, as something happened that put me off for a long time and left me in a terrible state,  this isn't the place for details, I know a couple of you may know from chatting but still here isn't the place.



I'm going to be skipping a couple of years again now, to late 2011 I think.  I'd finally started to use twitter.  And as I had my own place again was occasionally using phonesex and chatting about femdom and humiliation again, but again it was one off calls.  This was until on twitter I met Mistress Charlotte, we tweeted a bit and I took part in a series of Humiliation tasks she set called the 12 humiliations of christmas.  Writing reports up every day and having fun.  So much so that after the Xmas holidays I called her on her phone lines and begun a phone relationship that took me further than i'd ever been before.  I had genuine feelings for her and could really tell the difference in our calls as she had got to know me, yes she was on the other side of an ocean, but I learned a lot from the time I spent with her.  However about 18 months later she disappeared.  I still have no idea what happened to her and just hope she is happy.

I took a break from calling anyone then, and to be honest was in and out of hospital for a while, but then found myself calling another Lady, who is still on twitter, Miss Jane.  However with my illness I felt I wasn't in the right place and couldnt do as I was asked.  So after a few calls had to ease off for a while.  So it came to the summer of 2015 and after a few messages I called the MeanGirls for the first time.  I'm not going to say I was hooked straight aways but I knew if they allowed I would be calling back, and for nearly the next year I was calling when I could and carrying out any task they set.  It was them who gave me the idea to start this blog and I learned a lot from them.  Yes on a call I got plenty of the humiliation I craved, (cam and Skype were totally new to me)  But from their tweets I learned a lot.  I'll always be grateful to them.  But I had an itch, and asked if they would mind if I went to see a real Mistress, (theres more details on this in previous posts)  This led to my first real time session, and if you've read this blog you know what has happened since then.

I've found when I get all submissive now, i'm thinking more of trying to please than I am of getting horny and getting myself off.  I genuinely think for the first time i'm being the real me, and I dont think i've ever been happier.

So there you have it, thought I would try and write a post about my journey, without giving away too many personal details, but as for the little update I mentioned in the title, my first "kinky play event" is now only a couple of weeks away and theres a few nerves building but i've bought a ticket and the majority of a new outfit including these shoes, and a new dress thats all pink and sparkly.  I just need a bag and some new holdups and i'm all set I think!








Also some of you may remember the day I had at Sexhibition this year, well I took the plunge and have booked the whole weekend off for next year so hopefully there will be more fun, and also have time booked off to head down to that there London, which will hopefully include a trip to one of the kinky club nights that I have heard so much about.

Theres so much to look forward to, as I will be hopefully seeing Mistress Courtney again for another session when i'm off work in a couple of weeks.  Seriously right now I love my life!!

Anyways this has gone on for an age so i'm going to wrap it up, if you've stuck it out this long thanks for reading, I guess this is kinda a personal post, feel free to chat on here or on twitter as always.

Cinnamon xxx

P.S it was Halloween yesterday so a HarleyCinn pic had to be added :) I do love that makeup app!!!!

Competitions, SPH, and musings from my mind

Hi everyone, thought it was about time I wrote a blog, especially as its been such an exciting week.  First of all I was contacted on Monday by one of the largest adult retailers in the UK, Lovehoney, over the weekend I had entered a retweet competition they had posted and *blushes* I won.  I was given a choice between two absolutely gorgeous sets of lingerie.  One was mainly black, and I already have a few black pieces so I chose the second set.  It was a longline purple satin bra with a zip front and lace detail around the cups, with a set of satin and lace crotchless (yes crotchless) suspender knickers.  I was so excited, and being basically a guy I was so happy that the company was ok with it.

I realised later on that I would need some really nice stockings to go with it, especially as the knickers had the suspender straps on them.  So I went back on the website and chose myself a pair of sheer lace topped thigh highs, I also found a 3 for £10 offers section so had to indulge, (maybe more on that next time)

It was wednesday the prize package arrived, so damn quick, I was amazed when I got home from work and found it.  Just the touch felt so elegant and classy, it really is a gorgeous set, so once I'd showered etc I had to try it on,  i'd chose the right size for me any bigger and it would have hung off me and any smaller would have been too tight, and it just felt right, even better its almost a perfect match for one of my favourite Saturated Colour LIPSsticks.  I couldn't resist taking a couple of selfies and posting them on twitter and people really seemed to like them, I felt so good, and *blushes* loved the attention, heres one of them for you

It all made me feel so lucky, and girly, it really did.  But there has to be at least one humiliating thing happen to a sissy doesn't there??

I woke up really early for work the other day and found a msg on twitter from a Domme i'd never spoken to before asking me for my opinion on a new website she is in the process of starting.  Now i've been flirting round submission online for years, before properly taking the plunge in the last couple years and have heard of this Mistress Kiara so I actually felt quite honoured that she had taken the time to ask me so gladly looked at the site, its basically a place where guys can submit their tiny dick pics and they are up there for others to rate.   Rather embarrassingly I was encouraged to submit a picture of my tiny thing, at least anyone seeing it will know the reason I became who I am!!

It is a new site so not much on there yet, but if you are reading this and enjoy SPH or you just fancy laughing at tiny little ones check it out

ratemytinypenis.com

I'm not posting my tiny pic on here, or on twitter, theres a time and place for them, and at least on a site like this you know to be expecting them.

Also this week, i've been thinking a lot about trying chastity again, but still had the same problem after trying and trying i've realised I am just too small to fit in my device.  I've been following others frustration online and part of me would like to experience that feeling of giving total control to a Mistress, the feelings like this are much stronger recently, maybe its because I finally had a RT session or two, maybe its because i'm accepting myself for myself more.

I even for the first ever time last week on twitter found myself making another man cum, it actually made me feel a bit weird but was also a rush, he spun my humiliation wheel and had to follow the instructions, but I got bratty and made him spin again to get a second forfeit hahahaha!  Bratty Sissy alert, but also been chatting to some people who are sort of where I was a few years ago.  To be called an inspiration is something I never ever thought would happen and if i'm being totally honest its really really moved me.  So thank you to all those people, you've genuinely made me feel good!!!

Finally i'd just like to say i'm missing the MeanGirls a lot still, i'm sure i'll get a chance to call them again soon its been very hard lately due to the time difference etc, but realistically, without calling them in the last year I doubt this blog would exist, they've literally humiliated the hell out of me, but also in a way helped me explore my submissive side and somehow opened doors into a whole new kinky world, so if you like this blog or my twitter give them a lot of the credit, they are both so awesome and I can't thank them enough.  I'm also looking forward to planning another RT session with Mistress Courtney so i'm sure there will be plenty of stories coming up for you all, right now i'm off to enjoy coffee

Thanks for reading and as always please feel free to get in touch, heres a link to my Twitter

Cinnamon xxx

An apology, an update and a helluva excited sissy!

Hey everyone,

  First thing i'd like to do is apologise that I haven't really blogged for the last month, theres been a couple things in real life that had to be done.  Hectic would be describing the last month mildly.

 Of course there has still been plenty of time for my mind to keep imagining ever more realistic and humiliating fantasies and situations, and they've been driving the ache wild.  Also what is now pretty much ritual listening to the MeanGirls audios and watching the Humiliation Playlist has driven my mind further than I thought possible.  And now its been so long since I was last allowed a cumsie I feel pretty much turned on all the time.

I've found that the longer i'm denied the more i'm struggling as I practice my makeup, my concentration just slips at the slightest touch of a brush and I end up getting all wrong.  But anyways time for the update.  Something happened at the weekend that I could never have imagined happening,  some of you may remember a couple months ago, I blogged that i'd confessed to one of my best friends about some of this "secret" side of me.  About dressing, about feeling submissive, but keeping some of the humiliation side of it quiet.  Well she invited me to hers for the night and said to sleepover, I had no idea what to expect, and was a bit nervous but had no reason to be, (there must be a reason real best friends stay friends for life)  We had a couple glasses of wine and a chat, and as the night rolled on the topics kind of altered, there was nothing sexual about it at all, but she lightheartedly teased out some more secrets, for instance she now knows that I dont decide when I have an orgasm, and how my mind feels about that a little bit about the ache that denial brings.  We talked about makeup, clothes and allsorts, i'm still trying to get my head around some of the things about clothes and styles she mentioned.  Trying to find things online that would fit and maybe suit me.  Not lying the night went so fast and before we both went to bed we had what to me was an amazing cuddle, its been so long since anyone genuinely hugged me like that, I really really felt safe.

I was nervous waking up the next day, but needn't have been.  She was the same with me as she always was,  and before I left was saying we would have to have a day out shopping where she could help me.  I was blushing all the way home I tell you.

I drank plenty of coffee when I got home, both reliving the events of the night before, and also anticipating the next few days,  when I have my second RT session with Mistress Courtney, and the excitement is building to a fever pitch, I love the thought in my mind that I just dont know what will happen, I think it makes the anticipation greater,  I've already been given instruction on one thing I have to wear *blushes*  I feel very lucky to be allowed to go back, and i'm sure i'll be telling you all some of what happens afterwards.

I can remember the feeling after the first session and hope that its the same after this one, a feeling where you just float through the rest of the week.  Also hope I may get chance to speak to the MeanGirls soon too because their laugh wow, well that would just push this whole week to another level.  Anyways thats me for now, so thanks for reading and as always feel free to chat me on twitter

Cinnamon xx

Musings of a frustrated mind

Hi everyone, its been a while since i've wrote a post, so thought I would post an update.  It'll be a different style than usual as i've not had anything like a session or a call to write about.  Its been 3.5 weeks since I last called the MeanGirls and the ache I am feeling has now built up to a level I dont think i've experienced before, the last few days have had me all emotional, and trying anything I can to try and distract myself from the ache.

You know its so hard to explain,  from waking up in the morning to hitting the sack at night the ache is there.  Always a constant reminder, i've been avoiding listening to any of the MeanGirls audios I have, or even watching the humiliation playlist.   I get to the edge so quick and i'm petrified I will lose it.  Its not much at all that sets if off, almost like a permanent state of semi-arousal,  I genuinely think chastity would be easier, shame i'm too tiny to fit in the cage I won *blushes*

When my mind gets wandering my fantasies are seeming to get kinkier than ever, more humiliating and somehow more intense.  I just wish my work schedule was a bit different as I know realistically it will be the weekend before I even get a chance to call them, i'll certainly cross my fingers that I do.  I wish I could share some of the fantasies, and I know in the future I will, I just can't risk setting the arousal off again,

Trying to stay away from edging to try not make the ache worse I've been practicing with makeup a lot, and even trying to pick out my favourite lipstick.  I could actually wear a different one each day for over a month and not use the same one twice.  I've got it narrowed down to maybe 5/6 but cannot choose any further, what is a Sissy to do?  Especially when my fave cosmetics company keep emailing me about offers.!

One thing I do have to look forward to is my second Real Time session with Mistress Courtney.  I have a week off at the end of the month so will be going then.  It's very exciting as I really enjoyed last time, it felt like a weight off my mind as i'd been thinking about it for years and I have no idea what will be planned for me *gulp* I still remember this pic from the first session *blushes*

Sorry its only a short post and no real humiliation in it, just wanted to give everyone an update, i'm still genuinely surprised at the views this blog has, its in the 1000's now, and I wanted to thank anyone who does read it.  I never thought when the MeanGirls asked me to start one that I would have the feedback of people that i've had and the compliments, and in a way acceptance, so thank you all of you, you rock xx

Lastly would like to say that its very nearly a whole year since I first called the MeanGirls, I really can't believe the things i've done, and admitted to myself in this time, and I need to thank them too.  Hopefully i'll get to celebrate the anniversary in a special way

luv ya all, and feel free to chat with me on here or on twitter

 Cinnamon xx

More tales of humiliation, and welcome back to the Mean Girls

Hey everyone, i'm writing this in such a happy mood, i'm pretty sure you'll be able to guess why, last night after four long weeks I got to speak to the MeanGirls and boy had I missed their laugh, (and they laughed a hell of a lot)

Last week I posted about a small assignment i'd been given involving a slice of cake *blushes* and having to make a precious cumsie all over it, and how embarrassing i'd found it, almost even more so that I was all alone, and then evidence myself eating it for them,  although after edging daily while Miss Vicki was recovering from her surgery had made me desperate enough to do anything

here was the cake before *blushes*

Now I'd been instructed to get pictures but I was only allowed to send them just before I called last night so I could hear the initial laughter that they provoked in Miss Vicki and Miss Erika, this next one was after the cumsie but before the eating

I know its yucky and gross, but I had to follow my orders, and was so grateful to relieve the ache i'd had.  So I took pics of me eating it, and they laughed so hard at them.  

Also prior to the call last night I had to turn my pillow into a GF using lingerie, a paper plate face and a homemade wig.  Just trying to get it all sorted I knew that this was going to be an extremely humiliating call,  I'd had the anticipation building for days for the call, and spent the afternoon yesterday making pillow Jess as i'd been told with a leopard print bra and panty set, the face, and an attempt at a wig I made with a reel of purple ribbon.  She was sat in my bedroom as I entertained some friends for dinner and I was paranoid someone would just walk in and see her *blushes* thankfully that didn't happen, and the meal i'd cooked went well.  Unfortunately after my friend fell asleep on my sofa, and I was just wishing I was alone so I could start getting ready,  eventually I got him awake though and was left alone, feeling a nervous pit of anticipation growing deep inside me.

Finally I sent the cake pics, struggled down to my knees and called.  It was so good to hear their voices and their laughs, especially when I introduced them to pillow Jess, they even put a picture up on Twitter of her *blushes*  I could feel a lump in my throat as I just felt extra humiliated as I was singing to them, and confessing my love to a pillow, all to the barrage of humiliation that kept coming, I'm not going into all the details but eventually I had to make a cumsie on Jess and lick it up, which wasn't great as I got cotton in my mouth, then they realised they'd actually made me cry with humiliation which mortified me, but also excited me.  I was literally led spent on the floor for ages after the call, feeling like my head had melted.  I've been told now as well I have to sleep with Jess every single night and make her feel special, it definitely just makes me really embarrassed, but without say the arousal of other humiliating ideas, you know like cfnm, or being caught dressed etc, I honestly dont know how I feel here.  I do know I had a ridiculously awesome dream last night, totally humiliated and controlled, even if it did take me till 5.30 am to fall asleep. (with Jess of course *blushes*)

Today, i've been thinking a lot as well after a conversation on twitter, and considering something about myself that I have never considered before, its so complicated and in a way daunting, and goes way beyond my fantasies of humiliation etc, its quite a raw feeling at the moment, and I am not sure how I feel but may be speaking about it more soon.  Reading some things about it have left me crying again this afternoon, some things i've read just seem so so true.

I wouldn't feel right today writing a blog post without referencing the awful and tragic events in Orlando over the weekend, its such a loss of beautiful life, and my heart goes out to everyone affected.  If I had just one wish, it would be that people would just be tolerant of others no matter how they live their lives, we are who we are, i've come to realise that to hide who you are can be damaging to you.  I guess thats all for now, and sorry to end the post on such a note but I genuinely feel horrible about the events.  As always feel free to chat on twitter, and I hope to be back with another post soon, love ya all

Cinnamon xxx

A quick update

I'm just writing a quick post as an update really,  i'm very sorry that I haven't had much of a chance to update this lately,

Mainly i've been aching hard, and thinking of the MeanGirls especially Miss Vicki as with the operations she has had a tough time of it lately, it's nearly been 4 weeks since i've had a call with them, if i'm being totally honest, I've been more worried than thinking much of my kinky side, and also really aching as i'd not been able to call to beg permission.

I was lucky though earlier this week.  I was given permission to make a cumsie via email.  I was so happy, but there was a condition.  I had to make the cumsie all over a cake of my choice, then I had eat it, and take picture evidence for them.  I can't share the pics, as some of them are very personal, but also i've been asked not to send the pics until I next call them, so I can hear the laughter first hand so to speak.  I must be honest, i must have consumed each cumsie i've made over the last year, but normally its with the laughter in my ears as i'm on a call, or recently as I was knelt in Mistress Courtney's dungeon.  This time was different, I was all alone at home, somehow, this made it feel even more embarrassing, it was more a conscious decision rather than when i'm coerced into it, I knew I had to and wouldn't dare cheat, but I felt some pangs of shame after.

I'm hoping all being well to be able to call the MeanGirls over the weekend, i'm already working on my next assignment for them *blushes*  and I am
also looking into booking a second RT session with Mistress Courtney, (I feel very lucky about that) So will probably have a longer blog after the weekend.  Just wanted to make this one as its been a couple weeks since I last wrote

Cinnamon xxx

An update and some dreams turned into fantasies

Hey, its been a while since I got to blog, so thought i'd make a quick one.

I managed to speak to the MeanGirls about a week and a half ago and had a very humiliating call that involved them making a TV game show, featuring the "Wheel of humiliation" I was playing about with and posted on here.  I had to imagine I was in front of a live TV audience in a studio full of baying laughing women.  Then the wheel was spun and well, I had to make a girlfriend out of a pillow, with Miss Erika and Miss Vicki asking all sorts of questions and often laughing hysterically.  (i've never heard them laugh like that before) as I carried out their demands.

It was such a different call, I was told we may re-visit it in the future, especially when my knee is properly mended, moving round for them was a bit of a hassle, but oh well

The ache started to build up again ever since that call, and my mind has been coming up with lots of humiliating ideas and fantasies as it ever does.   Some just changed the plots of movies etc to turn them into huge kinky humiliation blockbusters, for example imagine the hunger games but instead of a districts tributes, a dozen Mistresses enter a slave into the games, and the one who takes the most humiliation makes their Mistress win, I could really do with fleshing this idea out,

Another was imagining being at work (in a department store) and being asked to head to the beauty department as they are so short staffed they need a hand, you head down there thinking it will maybe involve a bit of stock replenishment, or serving at a register, but are greeted by one of the stores more prominent MUA's, to your shock you are told that she needs a model for the day,  (and deep inside you feel excited but are petrified to let anyone know) She is friendly but lets you know that there is no way out of this.  In a blur you find yourself sat in a chair wrapped in a pink gown that covers up your suit and are told to smile, as your picture is taken as a "before" example.  You blink at the flash, starting to feel a bit worried, especially as the stand you are on is very public.  Slowly the MUA starts to apply makeup, from the bottom all the way up from concealer and foundation, all the way to a fully made up and pretty face, with lucious lips.  Without being allowed to move you have to pose for an "after" shot, the MUA tells you not to be so nervous, delicately squeezing your crotch through the gown, "besides it looks like you've really enjoyed it" she says as your own tiny member throbs away as she winks and walks off.   You are about to move when she comes back with a short bobbed wig and asks, one more pic?  She puts the wig on and takes a pic, before comparing the before and after, you can't believe the difference, and know you have desired this for a long time, but still keep your secret deep inside.  You are then cleansed and left to head back to your boring department for the rest of the day.

A couple of days later you are at the companies internal marketing campaign meetings, where strategies are mapped out and are surprised to see for once, the same MUA there, the meeting was as predictable as ever until the MUA got up to present an idea.

She announced that she wanted to attract more women to their department with a new method of working, at busy times she wanted to publicly make over a male, to a high standard, then use this to attract women, using the tagline, "If we can make a man look this good, just imagine what we could do for you" she even said if we incorporate the personal shopping side, we could make a fortune

There was a bit of an uproar at this, until the boss of the whole store called for order, asking her how she thought it was possible, your head was spinning as she approached the projector and found your before and after shots in front of the whole management team.  To your horror you feel all the eyes on you followed by a round of applause, your head spins, but you think the idea has got a trial go ahead, and you are to be the model,

After the meeting you approach the MUA and ask why you?  She says well you obviously enjoyed last time judging by a certain swelling (you blush at this) and she already knows she can make you look good, she just needs to show the rest of the makeup girls. She tells you your new role will be properly detailed over lunch, but as of tomorrow you will be assigned to her new project each and every day.  She left you saying she couldn't wait till saturday, she was hoping to have a crowd watching,  you felt so embarrassed but could feel your excitement tingling in the panties you'd secretly worn  for years.

Wow sorry thats gone on a while, couldn't stop when I started

Finally for this post, I really want to send best wishes to Mean Girl Miss Vicki, who is recovering from an operation, i've been thinking of both of them every day, and hope she has a speedy and safe recovery.  They have rocked my world in the last 10 months, I've actually felt real lousy since I found out as I wanted to do something special for them but unfortunately until payday there is no chance.  Please if you read this, hold Vicki in your thoughts,



Thanks for reading
Cinnamon xxx

Arousal and frustration,

Hi everyone, first can I just apologise as its been a couple of weeks since I last managed to write a blog post.  Between me and my usual luck with injuring myself,  the most anti-social shifts at work and for the first time in ages some decent weather its been a hectic time.

Its even, thanks to the aforementioned injuries been just over two weeks since I managed to call the MeanGirls who really seemed to enjoy making me re-live some of the session I had with  Mistress Courtney just a couple of days before, I was even allowed another cumsie, which made me feel sooooooo lucky, but now I think maybe being allowed two in such short a period of time has made the ache and cravings I have now more intense *blushes* and wow especially through this week the ache has been crazy.  pretty much every night I'm having to use a bag of frozen vegetables to calm the stupid tiny thing down before bed.  Yet I can't help listening to the audios, and browsing the things I browse online that only makes the ache worse.  The worst thing is my hands get much less steady when i'm practicing my makeup, poking my eye with a mascara wand was not what I intended!!

I hope over the weekend I'll get to call the MeanGirls and hopefully if I beg good enough I'll be allowed a precious cumsie.  Also i'm planning another RT session, after I've saved enough for it, so there may be more news on that soon.

I had a treat the other night as well.  An audio story from audible,  "Calendar Girl" written by KylieGable a tale of delicious college days forced fem, narrated in the females perspective, I listened on my headphones and found it almost soothing as I drifted into a blissful state, not believing that this story seemed to capture the fantisies I had as a teen yet elaborated on them and just had so much development and and attention to detail, it was really really good,

Also i've been speaking a lot to my friend I made a confession too, possibly she thinks she has found a store where I may be able to find some shoes that will fit me, and i've been sending her pics of styles I like, i've been told we need a night together where she can explain things to me, before we have a shopping trip, maybe even take my makeup so she can give me tips too (this is the scariest thing ever, but I dont think I can stop it now, I dont even want too)  My main issue is she knows I have a "secret" twitter account, and asked me for it, but I haven't confessed everything yet, especially about the humiliation and tasks side of things.   She knows I went to see a dominatrix, but nothing about what happened in there.  Its like a dilemma *blushes*

Anyway i'm off, sorry its only a short post, hope to make a longer one after the weekend, and hopefully will have been allowed to ease this ache by then too.

Cinnamon xx

My spiral of humiliation continues xx

Hey everyone,

Thought I would write a quick post as an update, its been a hectic week.  Oh my I had an unbelievable call with the MeanGirls at the weekend and they expanded on my confession last week,  I was squirming in no time as they made me imagine more humiliation at the hands of my closest friend, with them helping.  I've no idea if they even noticed I was wearing a new babydoll *blushes*

I loved the call as I love all the calls with them, and was so embarrassed after as they posted a pic on twitter of my "itty bitty clitty" sticking up in pink panties.  And maybe even more so when I saw some of the comments describing it as "really tiny" yet that got me excited all over again.

As well as that new babydoll I got a couple other new things in the post last week i'd ordered from a sale.  Theres a satin slip that literally feels electric over my body and another really hot pink babydoll, that matches a black one I already have, I loved giving myself a little sissy fashion show the other evening, theres also a couple new pairs of panties that came that are sooooooooooo adorable, baby pink with a lace trim and a flowery pattern on one pair and ice lollies on the other.  They're so to die for!

I'm still trying to make this fit me, although I'm always too small to get the initial rings on, its so embarrassing.  So once again if anyone has any tips i'd gladly accept them,  I think i'd hate being locked up, but there is a curiosity there.

Speaking of curiosities, on my recent call with the Mean Girls, I asked a question about possibly doing something in the near future, and they said it would be ok and i'm allowed, I dont want to say too much at the moment, but watch this space.

Finally after my confession to a friend last week I was worried she wouldn't really speak to me, however nice she was when I opened up, but we've texted nearly every day, and she is determined to get a shopping trip organised, so things are looking up on that front too, I may be a loser, and sexually pathetic, but life seems to be just right at the moment.

Cinnamon xxx

PS.  One last thing, I made a quick Humiliation Wheel just for a bit of fun, feel free to have a play, just click and see what you get

A tale of Lipstick, illness and dreams becoming reality

Hey everybody,  its been a while.  Sorry about that, but i've not been 100% recently.  But hopefully i'm back now.

Last time I wrote I mentioned the sale on lipsticks from one of my favorite companies,  and well they arrived, some of you may have seen the pics I put on twitter but oh my god I love them, so pigmented, so bright, they are just perfect.

The brand name is changing apparently which is why they were so cheap,  i'm not complaining, they were a bargain.  I even figured out that I now own enough lipsticks to wear a different one every day and still go over a month before doubling up, *blushes* I did a swatch of the new ones and the older ones of the same brand I'd already bought

You can see the pigmentation and brightness of them, they really are my favourites now!

Anyways i've obviously been edging for and worshipping the MeanGirls as much as I could over the last couple weeks since I last called them.  I was hoping I would get to speak to them this weekend just gone as with the illness I had i'd missed out last weekend as I wasn't up to it.  Even this week I'm not 100% and apologised that I wasn't right to go on cam for them.  But had possibly the most intense call i've ever had with them.  I knew it was Easter so knew I would be lucky if they would be available but I was still awake when I got the message that they would be logging on to NiteFlirt.  All thoughts of going to bed disappeared and I quickly got ready and called.

Miss Erika and Miss Vicki quickly led the call into living out a dream I had recently, they'd seen it on here, and they roleplayed through the SissyCarrie dream I had, embellishing it, and adding bits where they wanted too, I felt humiliated, emasculated, embarrassed and oh so incredibly aroused. Being led in the dark through the call just drew me into the fantasy deeper and deeper, until I could vividly imagine being on that stage begging a baying crowd of laughing women to be allowed a cumsie, not caring that it was being photoed filmed and witnessed by every hot girl in town, covered in lingerie, makeup and blushing bright red.  I'm not lying when I say that at the end of that call I was shaking and trembling.  I loved it *blushes* And dreamt of it through the night.  So intense and amazing, I can't thank the MeanGirls enough for taking my dream and turning it into such an erotic experience for me.

Today i'm off work at home, and decided to try give this cage another go,

However I really do appear to be too small to get the thing to fit, you know the idea of chastity scares the living hell out of me but I keep trying, genuinely if anyone has got any ideas or tips for very small guys I would really appreciate them,

So as thats not appearing to be working so far, I guess I should indulge in the humiliation playlist and some MeanGirls audios and start the cycle of edging all over again.

Thanks for reading again, and feel free to get in touch

Cinnamon xx

Torment, Humiliation, Punishment and Pleasure

Well hello again everyone, I have to write a blog about the last week or so,

Anyone who has read some of my previous entries will probably know all about a girl at my work called Jess, there has been some teasing and flirting and well after the works Christmas do when she was drunk, i'm pretty certain she knows that I am not exactly well endowed "down there"

Well anyway she finished at my work last week, she is moving across the country for at least a year, so a group of us thought we should maybe go grab a drink, a bite to eat etc as like a send off for her.   There wasn't many of us, about 6 and the afternoon was going great until everyone left apart from me and Jess. We were sat in a booth in a corner of the bar and she was being her usual self, which was quite cool as we haven't really spoke much the last few weeks with audits etc at work its been hectic. Anyways after a while she put her arm around me and kissed my cheek, before properly kissing me again.  As it did last time it felt amazing and she kind of swung her legs over mine so she was in effect sat on my knee.  Then the worst thing possible happened,  (please bear in mind I'd been allowed no cumsies for over two and a half weeks) as we kissed I could feel my tiny thing start to throb and then without notice it actually blew *blushes*  You have no idea how glad I was that she had no hands in the area, I literally did not know what to do, whilst instantly thinking of the MeanGirls.  I must have somehow pulled back involuntary but the kiss didn't go on much longer, from then till we left I tried to stay sat down and felt utterly mortified and humiliated, when we left I could see a small mark on my trousers and horribly a little drying trickle down my thigh.

It was the panties from this set I had on, and when I got home I had to try and wash them straight away.  I also knew I had to confess to the MeanGirls so sent them an email and also a Gift Certificate to apologise, I know they control my cumsies.  I was panicking and was dreading it as I had let them down, It was a day or so before I heard back so I was a wreck, but they said I was sweet to confess, but that they expected to watch a punishment on cam over the weekend.

So it got to sunday and pretty much all day I was edging for them and making myself ache as much as I could and it got to that glorious time.  I called and as soon as I heard their voices I could feel myself weaken, it had been ages but I was once again under their spell.  There was so much humiliation as they made me describe in detail what had happened,  and then I had to give a spoken apology to go along with my written one and their laughs at this made me tremble, before the punishment.  I had to spank myself with the paddle thats at the top right of this pic as the MeanGirls counted along

I've never really been much of a pain lover although I know I deserved at least this, I've also been told if I ever have an accident like this again I have to lick the panties clean.  I was then allowed to make a cumsie into another pair of panties and you guessed it I had to lick them clean as their laughs totally ripped me apart into a whole new level of embarrassment.  I already can't wait till my next call with them but really hope I never let them down again as they've told me the punishment will be worse next time.  They also said it would be fun for me to call tied up with a woman with me, so they could tell all my secrets and this is a thought thats been in my head all day, i've no idea if its at all possible, they mentioned Jess but I know she'll be miles away now, If theres any local women feel free to give me a shout *blushes*

Then today I gets an email after a lovely walk in the sun, from a company I bought lots of lipsticks from a couple months ago, they have a sale on so I've had to treat myself, they're high quality and totally gorgeous I just couldn't resist, their link page is saturated colour have a look for the KiSSsticks, they are amazing

Its not these shades but the same brand as these, so i'm now all excited, a sissy can never have enough lipsticks!  I'm still on a high after yesterday and so glad that the Mean Girls accepted my apology

I know today is Steak and BJ day, well for real men it is, for us loser sissys its a day to spend in pink

thanks for reading and hope you've enjoyed, feel free to get in touch

Cinnamon xxx

Fear, Fantasy, Comps and that laugh!

Hi everyone, it seems like ages since I last managed to write a blog on here, I did try last week but found myself unable to write what I was thinking down.  But with things that have happened I have hopefully a good post here.

Firstly last week, on the Monday it was apparently #malechastityday according to twitter, now I've never been in or seriously thought about Chastity in the past but I decided to try have a day of no touching, during the day it wasn't too bad. But around teatime, I received some news.

Over the last few weeks a Sex Toy company in the UK has been running a few retweeting competitions on twitter.  I had been retweeting a few, and imagine my reaction when this notification popped up

all of a sudden not touching became very difficult and I just had to cuddle my pink pillow so hard!

The companys website is www.thehouseofpassion.co.uk If anyone wanted to check them out.  For the couple of days after I was excited and also a bit scared, I honestly had no clue what would be in the package.  Anyways towards the end of the week after many edges and arousing dreams I came home from work to find that they had tried to deliver the parcel. So I headed to the depot to sign for and collect it.  (so thankful the packaging was totally discreet)

I also had a guy msging me a lot on twitter asking If I could be dominant to him, I asked advice from a couple of people and firstly made him change his twitter profile as it was not appropriate.  He wants to be a sissy but has no panties so I said he needed some, I also asked him to do another tweeting task, however he just replied "and if I dont" To be honest I dont really think i've got a dom bone in my body, although I know I can have a mean streak while playing pranks etc.  If this male?? doesn't reply its no skin of my back (i'll get to that shortly)

Sorry for that little detour, let me get back to the package I won.  It was full of all sorts of kinky goodies, floggers paddles, cuffs, blindfolds, rope, clamps, literally allsorts.  I had such a big lump in my throat looking through it all

of course I had to let the MeanGirls know about this, and I got an email back from Miss Vicki saying they couldn't wait to see some of it.  I'd also had a message from another Mistress saying the way the MeanGirls are inside my head is a "masterclass in dominance and feminisation" so of course i had to let Miss E and Miss V know that too.  Hearing it made me tingle i'll be honest.

Anyway getting to the end of the week and last night.  I'd planned to call the Goddesses and spent most of the day edging and tormenting myself, it got late in the night UK time and I got through to them.  I think it was a longer than normal call, where I had to show off the items from the package, they seemed to genuinely enjoy me using this on myself

  They were counting along and laughing so hard, they even stopped to ask if I was crying, (I wasn't but it was stinging a lot) Telling me they want pics of all the different colours my bottom turns after this,  Putting a fantasy about being at work and having all the girls do this to me after discovering me in panties, utterly humiliating me, and ensuring that literally Everyone knew  The call is a blur of humiliation I do remember showing them the Cb6000 that was in the prize bundle and I think I somehow volunteered to try it, (well if I can get it to fit my tiny thing anyway) and as has been usual recently I was allowed to beg to make a cumsie on my plate.  Its still flashing through my mind though how I actually begged to clean my plate for them.

We had a small chat after that and when I came off the phone I found they'd put a picture of my cumsie plate on twitter to add to my humiliation *blushes* I do love how the MeanGirls seem to know exactly what I need.  if anyone wants to see that pic its on their Twitter timeline.  Along with many links to their wall of shame further down,  

Anyway today for me is a day to slightly relax, but i've also to try on the Chastity device.  I'm so scared about this but its just trying it on right, what harm can it do?

As always thanks for reading this, feel free to get in touch

Cinnamon xxx

Anniversary humiliation call, makeup and some totally unexpected comments!

Hey everyone,

Even though its only been a couple of days since my last post I just had to write another.  As I mentioned last time, this weekend was 6 months to the day I first called the awesome MeanGirls and restarted this humiliation journey i'm on.  I knew I would have to call and had asked earlier in the week if they'd be available.  (thankfully they were)  I'd bought their new audio, and listened over and over to all of their others over the weekend, so I was excited to call.

Being in the UK its always fairly late at night when I get chance to call them.  This time it was later than usual, but I saw them become available and called.  I'd remembered what I had worn the first time, and made sure I had the same outfit on *blushes* I'm sure there is a pic of it on their wall of shame, it was very pink, the panties have a ruffled skirt on them and the cami has a black lace trim.  The outfit was topped off with the baby pink fishnets and my wig and makeup.

The third one from the left is the Osculate Orchid

The third one from the left is what I wore

Miss Erika and Miss Vicki once again complimented my makeup, especially the new "Osculate Orchid" lipstick I had on, this made me blush as when I first called them I was totally useless at it!  We chatted about how things have been at work with Jess and I said i'd been that busy at work literally hadn't spoke at all, only a couple posts on Facebook.  They took this and started that paranoia ride in my head, I was trembling as they asked me what I would do if one of the girls from the makeup store added me on there and left a message asking why i'd not been in a while?  It got intense as I was realising I was maybe just a couple steps away from total exposure.  I think I got very quiet and I think they picked up on that, I was being led to admitting all sorts and they gave me some intriguing ideas for future calls, the humiliation kept coming and It wasn't long before I was begging, and then I was allowed a glorious release all over my saucer, of course they made me lick it all up.  (its only just struck me writing this that every orgasm i've had for 6 months I've had to consume) How embarrassing is that!

After the call we had a bit of a conversation on twitter that to me reiterated just how awesome they are as they said they thought they may have taken it a bit over the edge on the call.  But I assured them although it was a scary thought, I trust them now.  You know what, I really do!


Then yesterday after an awesome dream I was playing on twitter and realised i'd been followed by a lot of people that I hadn't followed back, so I went through the list and pretty much anyone that seemed like a real persons account that didn't just post porn etc I followed back.  I got a message not long after from someone calling me Mistress, thanking me for the follow.  I had to admit obviously i'm not a Mistress, this guy was actually calling me Hot based on my profile pic,

As you can see from the pics here, (I removed his name for dignity etc) I admitted I took it as a compliment, and I'll be really honest part of me tingled deep inside, that someone actually thought I was female.  After the sexy sissy photo competition last week and now this I dont think i've had this many "physical" compliments before, and it certainly feels different from the humiliation, it's feeling very different to me, I still have the cravings to please women, and to hear them laugh, but also for once maybe being called sexy and pretty and hot is cool as well *blushes*

So also yesterday I was playing around with my makeup, making the most of a

stormy day and I posted a couple of pics to twitter of the results after adding a couple of filters and cutting away part of the pics so my whole face isn't on it.  Again some of the comments were so nice to me on there, from both other sissies and also from a couple of Dommes, it made me tingle again, so when I was sent home from work again earlier I couldn't resist having another play, i've come up with one pic I love and hope other people like it as well *blushes* the false lash effect mascara really makes my eyes pop, I hope no-one minds the filters i'm not brave enough to show my whole face otherwise

Anyway sorry this is a long post, thanks for reading, and feel free to catch up with me on twitter

Cinnamon xxx